Do people stay together after couples therapy?

The honest answer to this is yes and no. It depends on many factors. Such as why a couple is seeking therapy and what issues they are trying to resolve. How long they have been living with these issues in their relationship and consequently how much damage has already been done. How motivated they are to engage in the therapy and do the hard work set before them in order to make changes. Ultimately, we know that around a third of couples still end up breaking up within a few years of couples therapy. But this leaves the majority of couples who not only stay together, but stay together better. If you’re considering if couples therapy could be a good option for you and would like to explore this in a free consultation with me, please book yours today to get started.

So let’s explore which factors influence the success of Couples Therapy.

Commitment to change – Couples who actively apply what they learn in therapy have better outcomes. If you are showing up consistently and are willing to do the work in between sessions to apply what you are learning, you will go a lot further than those who do not. This involves an acceptance that you can only change yourself, not your partner, and that this is your only job in this process. This is hard! The ego gets in the way. Most people come to couples counselling believing the problem lies well and truly in the person sitting beside them. This may be partially true, but there will always be something you can shift in you that has the potential to shift the overall relationship. And this is the only thing you have the power to change. So stay focussed and committed to this.

Timing – Seeking therapy early (rather than as a last resort) improves success rates (often above 80%). Whilst those who wait until problems are deeply entrenched have much lower success rates (closer to 50% or less). According to Dr. John Gottman, couples wait an average of six years after problems begin before seeking therapy. By this point, resentment, detachment, and bad communication habits may be deeply ingrained, making it harder to repair the relationship. Divorce rates are significantly higher among couples who seek therapy as a last-ditch effort rather than a proactive step.

Severity of Issues – Couples dealing with infidelity, abuse, or severe communication breakdowns may have lower success rates. This is simply because some problems are easier to resolve than others. Here’s how different types of issues impact therapy outcomes:

1.Low-to-moderate conflict (higher success rates: 70%–90%)

These couples have problems that, while significant, are not deeply entrenched or destructive. This may be certain communication issues, minor trust issues, differences in parenting styles, intimacy struggles, and mild financial disagreements.

• Therapy Outlook:

  • High success rate if both partners are committed.

  • Many couples report improvement within 10–20 therapy sessions.

2. Deep-seated & long-standing issues (moderate success: 50%–70%)

These issues are more complex and have likely been festering for years, making them harder to resolve.This may be ongoing resentment, repeated trust violations, power imbalances, and emotional withdrawal.

• Therapy Outlook:

  • Progress is possible, but requires significant commitment and patience.

  • Couples may need long-term therapy and must actively practice new communication and conflict-resolution skills.

  • Success rates depend on how willing both partners are to change.

3. Severe & destructive issues (low success: 30%–50%)

When issues involve deep trauma or extreme negativity, therapy is much less likely to succeed. Examples of this may include infidelity – some couples recover, but the success rate depends on the level of remorse and effort from the unfaithful partner. Or emotional or physical abuse – therapy may not be safe or effective if one partner is controlling or abusive. And where there is a complete emotional detachment – if one or both partners have checked out emotionally, therapy often fails.

• Therapy Outlook:

  • Some couples can rebuild trust, but many end up separating.

  • Therapy may help individuals recognize when leaving is the healthiest choice.

In conclusion

Couples therapy is most likely to help couples stay together and improve overall relationship satisfaction when couples are motivated, seek help early and are both willing to take ownership of their part to play in the problems. Like any treatment, if you catch it early you have a better prognosis. However, there is nothing that cannot be worked through if both of you are willing and ready to come to the table and do the work. A good couples therapist will make all the difference too, and this is not always easy to find. My core psychotherapy practitioner training is in sex and relationships, which means this is my specialism and I am highly skilled at working with you as a couple. Sadly, there is no restriction on general psychotherapists offering to work with couples, even if they have no specialist training in this. Always look for a Couples Therapist who has undergone Psychosexual and Relationship Therapy (PRT) training at a Post Grad Diploma Level or more. And please get in touch with me for a free consultation to see if you would feel comfortable in my hands.